Below the cut are a whole bunch of screencaps from the upcoming Stargate Atlantis episode “Harmony,” plus new dialogue.
Okay, this one was tough to do, and can’t guarantee it’s up to par, cuz there just wasn’t much in the way of promo shots except the guys walking through the woods…
As the TV Guide said, our intrepid heroes get dragooned into once again bending over backwards for some trading partners. If they don’t help the young princess on her ‘journey’, the trading deal is off. Just how far will the Lanteans go to assure this dark deal??
Flora, big sister to the princess, tells Sheppard and McKay she needs them to do her a favor. Escort her precious little sister, Harmony, to the big castle, for a, uh, royal event and they can have all the coveted tava beans they want.
Rodney knows there’s GOT to be a catch but java, no, tava, heck, coffee beans! His stomach overrules his brain, much to his dismay.
“This isn’t far, is it? I promised to get the jumper back to base before midnight,” says Sheppard.
Harmony smirks. “Flora, I don’t think he wants to. Look, he’s scared. His hair is standing on end.”
“Hey, my hair is always like this! We’ll take the damned kid to the event.”
“We’re all going to die. Horribly.” Rodney pauses. “But hopefully after we have some coffee.”
Meanwhile, the festivities are being assembled, but that’s boring stuff, with no gunfire or special effects, so let’s get back to the murky plot.
In the basement of some dark place, nefarious schemes are hatching. A guy who looks a lot like the lead singer for the 60s pop group Herman’s Hermits (see, look at this Picture ) is wailing. “They’re sending Harmony to the castle. She’ll ruin my chance for fame!”
“Don’t worry, sweetums,” purrs the blonde. “There’s no way she’s making it there alive. I’ve got my people on it.”
It’s over the hill, and through the dale, our intrepid heroes go. And maybe slogging through a leech-infested marsh or two (f the ‘whump’ fans are lucky), unaware of the impending doom headed their way.
Sheppard isn’t sure the trip is worth it, but nobody insults ‘teh hair’ plus Carter warned him not to mess up the deal. Rodney, meanwhile, is salivating at the thought of fresh roast coffee instead of the instant stuff the Daedalus always dumps on them.
“What was that?” Rodney turns around.
“I told you leeches don’t live on dry land, Rodney.”
“No, no, don’t you hear it? It’s the sound of impending doom!”
Harmony doesn’t like Rodney’s assessment of her singing.
“Wait, over there!” Harmony screams. “Giant bugs!” Sheppard whirls around prepared to kill the humongus insects, only to discover the kid is jerking his chain.
“You know little kids can easily get eaten by… bears.”
“Or giant snakes.”
Harmony isn’t scared. She smirks. “If you harm me, my sister will sue you so fast your hair will fall out.”
Crap. This kid was brutal.
Sheppard can’t think of a good comeback. Hmm, neither can the writer of this inane plotline.
So it’s back to the long, tedious journey to the pretty castle, but not before we get a good quarter profile look of Sheppard’s face. Ah, the pretty J
And they decide to take a shortcut through a dark, dark cave. Rodney’s worried about giant bats.
Sheppard’s sorta hoping giant bats will carry off the kid.
Outside once again, the Lanteans wonder if they could ‘accidentally’ lose the demanding little diva, but then they’d face the wraith, er, wrath of caffeine-starved scientists back on Atlantis.
Sheppard knows something is wrong.
Oh, he’s right! A bunch of Genii, or is that a gaggle of Genii?, are sneaking noisily through the woods headed in their direction.
They arrive at a pedestal of some sort.
Harmony quickly puts her hand down and enters a code.
“What’s going on?” says Sheppard.
“I just registered for the finals of the Athosian Idol competition,” grins Harmony.
Rodney groans in pain. He hates reality shows.
“You’ll watch me sing, of course,” coos Harmony.
“Yes, after I stick my finger in the nearest high voltage light socket,” mutters Rodney despairingly. “If only you primitive people had electricity.”
Suddenly, the Genii erupt from the brush!
“Shoot me, please,” implores Rodney.
“What do you guys want?”
“That brat stole my sign-up sheet for the competition. I want it back! She’s not taking my spot!”
Sheppard wishes he’d gone on that mission with Lorne, where the giant carnivorous plants tried to eat the team and they were stuck in the infirmary for a week. That sounds much less painful than this drivel.
“If I don’t get to this competition, you don’t get your beans.”
Alarmed, Rodney quickly (and off-camera) snatches away the gun from Sheppard and takes matters into his own hands and with one quick shot, Dead-Eye McKay dispatches with the annoying Genii idol-wannabe. Success!
Quick cut as time passes and…
Look! Da plane! Da plane! Uh, I mean, the castle!
Sweeping long shot of majestic castle.
And they arrive, basically unscathed although there are a lot of contestants and unfortunately as Rodney predicted, no electric light sockets in which to electrocute himself.
“Thank you for bringing my sister safely to the Athosian Idol sing-off,” says Flora. "She is the most talented of them all!"
“Feelings…. Nothing more than feelings!! Whoa whoa whoa….”
Rodney: “God, she’s terrible.”
Sheppard: “Yeah, you shot the wrong singer. I hope your precious beans were worth it.”
Aren’t you glad? ;)