Preface: A not-so-long time ago, on a LiveJournal entry not very far away (in fact, visit HERE - for part 1), Sheppard and McKay were entrusted by Woolsey to guard Atlantis’ only Halloween pumpkin. Well, you know what happens… missions with Wraith, impromptu golf tournaments on the pier, and well, the guys forgot.
This is NOT going to look good on their annual reviews…
Please note this entry contains violence against pumpkins, as well as gratuitous whump of Stargate Atlantis action figures…
While Sheppard and McKay are away, the giant Pegasus Galaxy squirrel has its way with the pumpkin. Oh, the horror! And he pretty much totaled the bird feeder as well (remains in background).
The guys decide they should check on their charge.
McKay: “We are screwed. No, we are DOOMED! Woolsey is gonna have a fit!”
Sheppard: “Well, at least he won’t tear his hair out.”
McKay: “Of course not, he’s—“ Stops and makes noises of sheer aggravation. “I thought Lorne was gonna fix this!”
Sheppard: “Wait, I have an idea….”
McKay: (deep meaningful pause) “Thank god I’ve kept my resume up to date.”
Regrettably, while the guys are away, even more bad things happen to Woolsey’s precious pumpkin.
McKay: “Okay, Mr. Do-It-Yourself, this is all we have left of the pumpkin. And all the King’s horses and all the king’s men ain’t putting this pumpkin back together again!”
Sheppard: “This’ll be easy. A little spackle here, a little there. We got the grande-sized box. No problem!”
McKay: “Are you deluded? First, you’re using tile grout. It’s not feasible to construct a new pumpkin out of grout.”
Sheppard: “Hey, Wraith Wally World was out of spackle. Grout was on sale. What’s the difference?”
McKay: “And you’re in command of security of the entire city?”
Sheppard: “Your point being?”
McKay: “Well, there is a bright spot to this mess.”
Sheppard: “Yeah, it’s not raining and the squirrel ran away.”
McKay: “No, you bought only one trowel. Guess I can hang back now and uh, supervise.”
Sheppard: “Oh great, now something bad will happen because you’ve pointed out our vulnerability.”
McKay: “You watch too many horror movies, Sheppard.”
Sheppard: “Oh yeah, then where is the grout box?”
McKay: “Um, oh, I thought that was just a continuity error. The show’s riddled with ‘em, like the constantly changing position of your legs in the jumper when the iratus bug was sucking the life out of—“
Sheppard: “We are never talking about that again. … Wait, did you hear that?”
McKay: “Uh oh.”
Click and listen briefly for mood music.
McKay and Sheppard decide that standing as still as plastic figures might mean the predator will not attack.
Oops, not such a good idea!
McKay is squashed under the tremendous wait of the possessed pumpkin remains that fell from above.
McKay: (gurgling from under molten mass of mashed pumpkin): “Urg!”
Sheppard staggers to the rescue (you see, he’s suffering from, um, blast wave concussion from the pumpkin’s landing). Alas, he collapses from dizziness and maybe internal injuries, cuz that will please the Shep whumpers to no end. ;)
Sheppard: “See, told you something bad would happen.”
McKay: “But not to YOU.”
Sheppard: “Gee, your compassion overwhelms me, Rodney.”
McKay: “This whole mess was concocted by a Shep whumper, so… (insert dramatic pause until…)
McKay: “… I demand a re-take!”
Sheppard: “You got hit on the head, didn’t you?”
McKay: “Well, yes, what did you think that orange goo in my hair was? Gel?”
Sheppard: “Could have been brains leaking out.”
McKay: “WHAT? … They had better squash you in the re-take.”
Sheppard and McKay wait -- in horror so intense that they are petrified in place -- for the pumpkin to get dropped on them again, as well, it’s not in the best of shape.
Sheppard: “Hey, that was a good joke.”
McKay: “What are you talking about?”
Sheppard smirks: “Hope I get squashed. Squashed? Like a squash or a pumpkin.”
McKay feels his blood pressure boil: “Hurry up and drop the pumpkin!”
And the second video is a wrap, mostly because the pumpkin is toast.
Sheppard: “Ouch, well, at least ‘teh hair’ survived. Phew.”
McKay: “Ow ow ow. My back. Oh god, there is pumpkin gore all over my feet and nothing on Sheppard. Not fair!!”
And so ends another incredible * cough * saga of Action Figure Theater!
Obligatory Legal Disclaimer: One pumpkin was seriously, nay, fatally wounded in the production of this video. Its remains were, of course, quickly buried in the woods where the local wildlife will devour it and leave no DNA bits for CSI investigators to find.