In typical scifi (or SyFy) fashion, our intrepid heroes are introduced. The good looking guy in the foreground will live through the show. The cute guy in the back? I smell "redshirt" ;)
Everybody mingles until the inevitable disaster that will occur in Act I.
And you'll find the Ark of the Covenant just over there. Oh wait, wrong movie.
Our heroes. Well, the one hero will survive and the two will no doubt die horribly. Oh come on, it's a SyFy movie, after all. Simple formula. Good looking hero guy with name first in credits survives, the rest, well....Sharktopus bait ...
Our hero and potential redshirt #2 watch as off-screen character does the one thing you know you should NEVER do in SyFy movies. No, not THAT. Get your mind out of the gutter ;)
After our intrepid survivors find themselves in a bad bad place, our hero goes off in search of food. How difficult can it be?
He continues to search. Blast, why don't 7-11's exist in alternate universes?
Wait, he hears noise. Food?
Roar! Meow! Pfft pfft! screams the hideous beast that attacks our hero.
Wait, wait, I'm not supposed to die hideously until page 22 of the script!
Okay, I got some food.
"Tastes like sushi," our hero says rather tentatively to his fellow survivors.
Some people are sooo picky. "Ugh!" "Gross." "I'd rather starve." "Should we barbecue it?" "Wait, wait, um, forgot my line."
Sheesh. Okay, our hero gets out the new-fangled alien microwave. Alas, there are no instructions. But wait, it's almost a butt shot of our hero. Not that I'm shallow or anything, noooooo....
So it's back to hunting. "Achoo!" sniffles Rodney, I mean, our heroine. No that's not John Sheppard, he's our hero, um, whose name I must go google.
Just a close-up, because they are so dramatic.
Now if they had cellphone reception, they could just call in for take-out, but in all SyFy films, cellphones never work. Our hero has spotted dinner.
Hero: "I"m sure it'll taste just like chicken."
Heroine: "But it's soooo cute. You can't shoot it. It's soooooooooooooo cute."
And the evil alien creature goes "meooooow" as it begs for its life, and secretly plots to devours the humans.
But now the poorly written plot is falling apart, so our hero makes some heroic poses.
But wait, could it be??
Why yes, it appears our hero has been 'whumped' (all Stargate Atlantis fans know what that is, and if you don't, oh, you poor thing). I mean, isn't that a red mark on his neck? While the whumper squee in delight, they forgot about the bad plot.
And will our heroes survive the film? Well, we know our wonderful hero in the middle will, and so will the lady at the right, but come on, a guy with a tie? An office worker in the woods. He is soooo toast.
And that's it! All images of course copyright RHI Entertainment.