Irrerevant screencap descriptions below...
It's bad enough the Lanteans are plagued by Asurans, but now they've got door-to-door Wraith salesmen offering their wares.
That Wraith said he knows you. Said you signed up Atlantis for 200 Dish satellites. Do you know what that will do to Atlantis' budget?!
Er, Todd? I mean, the Wraith, whatever his name is... no, no, I didn't order 200 satellite dishes from him, but since he's here, maybe we can check if they receive ESPN.
While Woolsey and Sheppard debate what channels to get on the satellite dishes, Teyla is busy eloping with some guy, or maybe she's taking dancing lessons. Who can tell?
The team remains blissfully unaware of Teyla's delicate condition, as she passes it off as just 'gas.'
Carter is beginning to wonder if Teyla should be put on an exercise regime because the Athosian is eating enough for two.
The team beams into yet another alien warehouse, this time, in search of a promised sale of 200 DVRs to go along with the satellite dishes Sheppard told Woolsey could also act as distant early warning systems for replicators. And Woolsey bought it hook-line-and-sinker. Ah, bureaucrats aren't too bright ;)
Ronon gets his gun out, ready to blast anybody. Rodney told him all about the horrors of 'black Friday' and 'white sales' in which people kill for merchandise.
Sheppard sighs. He's gotta take Rodney aside and tell the scientist to stop filling Ronon's mind with tales of the horrors of malls.
The Wraith satellite salesman shows up, promising them high definition reception for just a few bucks more.
Sheppard is rather annoyed at this 'bait and switch' tactic.
Even worse, they discover who will install the satellite dishes! Michael! Who can't get a job on a wraith hive ship, and sees this as his chance for revenge against the Lanteans. Insert chords of ominous music.
"Not Michael!" teyla screams in horror. "He''ll block all the good home shopping networks!"
But they're stuck with the deal. Sheppard and Ronon discover this when they go to talk to a local dish sales rep.
Who promptly runs away when he reads the fine print on the contract in regards to maintenance.
Ronon tries to hunt down the sales guy, but is unable to catch up with the guy.
Meanwhile, back on Atlantis, Zelenka is horrified to discover his TV will only receive the Soap Network!
Because Woolsey was such a cheapskate, he skipped on the maintenance contract, forcing Sheppard to scale the tower and hand adjust one of the dishes so they can get ESPN2.
And then must spend half his days shooting at pigeons that roost on the dishes and destroy reception!
Lorne takes out a whole pack of pigeons roosting on a dish. Nothing is getting in the way of him and his watching the Cooking Network.
And deep in the bowels of the alien warehouse, Rodney is still searching for the proper DVR with all the bells and whistles and not a cheap knockoff that will die in 30 days. They open a door and...
"What took you so long?!" complains Beckett. "Michael's forced me to watch Kung Fu movies over and over again!" (hence the outfit seen usually in Kung Fu movies).
"Oh crap," gasps McKay. "Beckett's gonna want back all the stuff I stole from his room. This is so NOT fair!"
And that's it for this week's installment of AS THE STARGATE TURNS.
Tune in next time to see if Sheppard is able to rid Atlantis of the pesky pigeons, and what about Carson? Did McKay lock him back in that room because he didn't want to return all the knicknacks he swiped from Carson's room, or will Carson tell McKay where to find the good DVRs?