Yes, it’s that time again for another look an episode of Stargate Atlantis that has yet to air ("Midway" on February 15th), but again, the script has fallen into my hands so I have rewritten in to fit into LiveJournal format. I’ve taken a few * cough * liberties, but you’ll find the basic intent of the plot intact. SPOILER images used, so if you’re avoiding spoilers, avoid reading.
Disclaimer: Not responsible for destruction of keyboards or pets during reading of this dramatic rendering…. ;)
STARGATE : SMACKDOWN!
The much anticipated, ballyhooed, advertised-way-beyond-normal-budget Stargate/ECW crossover that everybody screamed for (oh, you didn’t get the email from SciFi? Too bad).
Special guest star: "Ralph"
PART 1 of 2
The opposition arrives. It’s Teal’c (aka macho Jaffa member of SG-1 and the main user of hair products in the SGC)
Sam is really happy to see Teal’c. A warm face from the past, someone who hopefully brought her some oatmeal cookies. And she’s happy as long as…
….. he doesn’t drip any of that greasy Jaffa Grecian hair formula on the floor. Someone could get killed slipping on it.
Sam now knows why her hair always looked like straw while she was at the SGC; Teal’c had hogged all the conditioner.
“Oh, Teal’c, this is Ronon.”
The two macho aliens glare at each other. Sam knows this can’t bode well. Maybe it’s time to take some vacation.
Grrr, growls Ronon
Grrrrrrrr, postures Teal’c.
Excuse me while I fan myself from the scintillating dialogue * cough *
Sheppard and um, er, oh, oh, Teyla, yeah, that’s who it is!, are briefed on their new visitor, who apparently has come to Atlantis to drag Ronon back to Earth to discuss some real important thing. In fact, Sheppard is ordered by Carter to handle the situation because as a man, he can understand the grunts between the two men better than her.
Sheppard foolishly tells the Satedan to sit down and talk with Teal’c. What’s the worst that can happen?
“You have … split ends.”
“What?”. Ronon’s blood pressure soars. Nobody insults his dreads! Especially not some guy who styles his hair like a girl!
So Ronon is quite happy to blow the smug smile off Teal’c’s face.
Close-up for dramatic effect.
And even a closer shot so you can see the insanity in Ronon’s eyes, and the snarl, and wow, nice biceps.
Teal’c, meanwhile, is unfazed, as he’s in nirvana because he’s wolfing down the Pegasus Galaxy version of potato chips (that, or he’s picking at his teeth, so I went with the less gross explanation)
But Carter arrives in time to stop Ronon from splattering Ronon’s brains all over the floor – she warns if he does that, he’ll have to re-wax the entire messhall floor. Talk about a horrid threat! So the Satedan backs down, sorta.
Carter isn’t so sure about this macho smackdown fight that John suggested, but Sheppard says this is how all he-men solve their petty little problems, and besides, the satellite TV is down and there’s no entertainment at the moment. Alas, Carter reluctantly agrees, hoping this doesn’t come back and bite her in the ass, like getting re-assigned off Atlantis to elsewhere and being replaced by some bureaucratic toady like Woolsey. Nah, that would never happen.
And the fight commences.
Sheppard sorta hopes Ronon will win as he bet a paycheck on the big guy.
The Jaffa dodges the blow.
And oops, another miss. That greasy hair product is deflecting Ronon’s blows!
Check is sorta pissed as put his money down on Teal’c. Sheppard is busy counting his winnings.
Meanwhile, in another part of the Pegasus Galaxy, there is one seriously pissed-off Wraith. He’s discovered that some lowlife has purloined his entire hidden stash of Ravenous WraithÔ Hair Gel! This means WAR!
But anyhoo, in a hop, skip and blink of an eye (and a very long commercial break), Ronon is back on Earth facing up to the IOA.
Who all stay on the other side of the table, huddled like terrified rabbits, cuz they’ve heard Ronon is trigger-happy.
“So, what do you want to talk to me about?”
“We’ve convened this meeting to discuss hair products,” says the officious bureaucrat. “Atlantis is requesting an unusually high amount. Unfortunately, due to budget cutbacks, we’re cutting you off.”
And in another part of the galaxy, well, in an office not far away to which the overly large ventilation ducts connect, Kavangh overhears this conversation.
And this makes Ponytail guy perversely happy as he imagines Rodney (see photo above, but imagine it in a little cloud-like dream) freaking out over the loss of his regular Rogaine shipments.
Kavanagh smiles. Really, can’t you tell?
And in this insidious moment, the viewer is cut off and must wait for part 2. And what about the wraith? Where are the Wraith. Oh wait, here’s a purty picture….
And then, oh no, a many-months gap between episodes?! Nooooooo!
Nope, not that long. Maybe a day. I hope to get the conclusion up tonight, so stay tuned! J
END PART 1 of 2 parts
PART 2 is now available!