Yes, the long-awaited sequel to The Kindred, part 1 is here! Chockful of spoilers (at least picture-wise). Read at part one first before treading into this Emmy-awarding winning script * cough * Contains over 40 spoiler images.
Teyla is in a heap of trouble. She needs to be rescued, but, well, there are a few obstacles…
Remember last week in the much-ballyhooed “You’ll be shocked by what happens in the last five minutes?” and then SciFi showed you Beckett?? Well, fortunately continuity has been continued and he’s actually in part 2. Because they found Carson in a rather ratty prison wearing clothing that looked like leftovers from an old martial arts movie, they’re worried he might not be who he claims to be, or worse, he might have space lice. I mean, eeeeuuuuu….
Keller reports back. Fortunately, Carson is free of lice. This means a lot to Sheppard (off-camera) who had feared for ‘teh' hair….
“But oh yeah, Carson, well, he seems to be Carson, but then I’m only a genius in aspects of medicine not particularly suited to intergalactic travel.”
Carson Beckett, if that is who he is, is locked in the isolation room just biding his time…
“You know we’re screwed,” whines Rodney.
“You’re such a pessimist. He got blown up by a space tumor. He’s gotta have some amnesia from that,” rationalizes Sheppard.
Then, hideously and without warning, Carson SMILES!
“Oh crap,” mutters Sheppard.
“He knows!” says McKay.
“He’ll want the picture frame back. Damnit, I like that frame, and the picture isn’t bad either,” moans Rodney.
“I don’t wanna give it back!”
“You can get another frame at Walmart,” shoots back Sheppard. “He’s going to want the fishing lures back. Those just don’t grow on trees!”
“I can kill him if you want,” says Ronon. “He ate the last raspberry turnover. This can’t continue.”
It’s decided that Rodney will talk to Carson to see what the man truly remembers. Actually, Sheppard pulled rank and Ronon pulled his gun. ‘nuf said.
“So, Rodney, friend-pal-buddy, so nice to see you again,” Carson says in a Scottish burr.
“And it’s great to see you too,” gulps Rodney. “We really thought you’d been splattered and burned to a crisp in a particularly grisly way that left me with nightmares and hallucinations about you for at least 1.5 episodes.”
“Been taking good care of my picture frame, Rodney?” (and no, this isn’t the same photo I just used; you’re imagining things).
“Uh, uh,” stammers Rodney. They were soooo screwed.
Meanwhile, in another part of the galaxy, Teyla is in deep trouble at Crazy Carl’s Cribs ‘n’ Bibs. On her quest for a bassinet, things went a teensy bit awry.
Apparently store security said her credit card was way over its limit.
She doesn’t know how that could be. She had an excellent credit rating, but then, oh no… Rodney had borrowed it to buy that diamond ring for Katie Brown. He said he was going to return the ring and get credit. She was going to beat him black and blue when she got back.
“Kaanan! My beloved!” Teyla is relieved. “You have come to rescue me!”
“Er, no,” says Kaanan. “I’m afraid I put your name down on a variable rate mortgage I took out and well, things went a little bad and I borrowed your extra card….”
Michael shows up. He’d used the bassinet sale flyer as a lure to entice Teyla into this clutches. He knew she couldn’t resist that 30% off sale. Since store security tied her up, he feels safe telling her his maniacal plans. “First, I must confess. The bassinets were only 10% off.”
[insert Michael’s voice as a cackling voiceover]
.........“You see, I have captured you in order to lure Colonel Sheppard into my clutches. I could care less about you or the baby, even if it’s chockfull of great retro-DNA stuff I could finagle into a great fighting force. No, I need the fishing lures, the ones that Colonel Sheppard so callously filched. With that box of lures, I can include one lure each in the limited edition box sets of the clones (see picture above of coolly boxed CoolCarsonCloneÔ) I made of Carson Beckett. They will sell for astronomical prices on WraithBayÔ!”
“That is evil! So evil!!” cries Teyla, who also sobs at how hideously the plot has deteriorated.
Meanwhile, back on Atlantis. Catastrophe ensues!! Yes, someone has been critically injured, but even worse...
“Oh damn, it’s not Sheppard,” curses Keller.
Nope, doesn’t look at all like him. Besides, all our heroes have chest hair. Yes, they do (well, the guys, not the gals). You just need to pay more attention.
“Oh, he’ll probably die if I don’t get Carson to assist as he’s the expert in all this kind of stuff,” sighs Keller as she decides to check for a pulse, “But worse, now I’ll have to endure all the moaning from the Sheppard whump fans who feel it should be the Colonel bleeding out on the table, needing intubation and defibbing and all those other horrid things.”
And Sheppard wishes he was bleeding out, being intubated and being defibbed as it was less painful than being called on the carpet by Sam Carter. “You have to return those fishing lures, Colonel, and that’s final,” she orders. “But first, you have to go find Teyla.”
“But they’re pretty. I want to keep them.” Sheppard makes the puppy dog face, but she’s immune to it. Oh wait? “Teyla? Oh yeah, nearly forgot about her. Uh yeah, rescue mission, sure thing.”
Sheppard and McKay figure they don’t have to return Carson’s purloined personal belongings but Carter reminds them that after they return with Teyla, they’ve got to fess up that they raided the Scottish doctor’s office after his untimely immolation. She’s still trying to track down the sheep calendar and Zelenka is her prime suspect.
Well, he walks like Carson, talks like Carson, so he must be Carson. They take him on the mission and end up in a seedy bar, where Carson instantly pulls a gun (which they foolishly gave him). “I want my fishing lures back. And the picture frame, you cheeky little buggers!”
“No way!” shouts Sheppard, who is unnerved by the word ‘buggers’ only because ‘bug’ is part of it and he never really got over the iratus bug trauma despite the casual attitude he projects. Yeah, just drop a caterpillar on him and watch him freak…
Ronon thinks about it. (Yes, this is Ronon’s deep thought expression. Really.)
“Hey, he might be replicator. If we shoot him and he doesn’t fall over, that will prove my point. Besides, wasn’t there a replicator plot mentioned in last week’s TV ad on SciFi??”
That’s good enough for Sheppard, who aims to defend his lures to the death.
Ooops, wait a sec.
Ah, okay, special effects added. Gunfire!
And Ronon takes aim…
But Beckett fires back first, and the whole place pretty much explodes, which makes Sheppard and Ronon rethink that hmm, maybe this isn’t Carson as the doctor couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn, and he really wasn’t that good a shot either.
Will Teyla be rescued, or will she be forced to pay off Kaanan’s mortgage as he also falsified her signature on the loan application? Will Michael get a hold of the fishing lures, thus escalating the prices of the CoolCarsonClonesÔ on WraithBayÔ to astronomical prices?