wraithfodder (wraithfodder) wrote,

Stargate Atlantis Action Figure Theatre: "A Day at the Pool with Sheppard and McKay"

Yes, it was a hot weekend and fortunately a friend's pool was avaialble, so, hey, why not bring along the guys for a little trip. So the Stargate Atlantis heroes became poolboys, sorta. *cough*

Without further ado...

A Day at the Pool with Sheppard and McKay

It’s a beautiful day, the wraith aren’t bugging them, and it’s hot, so Sheppard and McKay decide to cool off in the local swimming pool. (What? You thought Atlantis didn't come with a pool? Of course it does!)

McKay: "THere aren't any WHALES in this pool, are there?"
Sheppard: “No, just man-eating minnows.”

McKay: “Har har. You’re a laugh riot.”

Unbeknownst to our heroes, something evil does lurk in the water. Hideous and oh, wait, just peer in deep into its lair…see it, bobbing about in depths? No? Well, get your eyes examined. It’s there! See! See! 


The guys test the water with their feet (really, really they do). It’s not too hot, not too cold. Just right. 

So the guys decide to take a swim.

McKay: “You know, we look pretty silly swimming in our uniforms.”

Sheppard: “We could skinny dip.”

McKay: “No no no! NOT going there!” 

The evil entity, an alien seed that is in a truly pissed-off mood as it auditioned for the episode “The Seed” and was told it was “too green” for the part and was sent packing. It’s out for revenge. 

The guys get back out of the pool.

McKay: “While I don’t have to worry about sunburn, this swimming in clothing sucks.”

Sheppard: “Hey, there’s this cool pink flamingo float. Let’s try it out.”

McKay: “It’s PINK.”

Sheppard: “Yeah, it’ll match the sunburn on your forehead.”

McKay: “WHAT?!” 

Sheppard: “McKay, if you don’t stop pawing my hair I’m gonna hit you.”

McKay: “All right, I'll just leave the massive water bug in your hair.”

Sheppard: “Bugs?! Get it off!!" 

McKay gets totally bored, and decides instead of drifting around aimlessly, he’s gonna drive.

Sheppard: “You’re not floating in a straight line.”

McKay (grousing): “Back seat driver.”

Rodney's flamingo-float skills aren't any better than his jumper flying skills...



Sheppard takes control.
Sheppard: “This is cool!”

McKay: “Hey, it’s my turn!” 

Sheppard: “Warp speed ahead!”

McKay: “MY turn, you maniac!”

Alas, Sheppard’s speeding around in the flamingo float is having a nauseous affect on McKay.

McKay: “Gonna be sick…”

Sheppard: “McKay, what’s that noise back there? Did we spring a leak?”

McKay: “Uh bleh….”


Driving a flamingo takes a bit more concentration than driving a puddle jumper, but at least Sheppard doesn’t run into a wall.

The evil alien seed pod entity critter makes repeated attacks on our heroes.
Sheppard: “Incoming!”
McKay: “OW!!”

McKay of course falls into the drink, and is swallowed up by the turbulent water. "HELP! Glug-glug..."

Sheppard charges to the rescue!

But Sheppard is too late. McKay is dead, drowned, an ex-genius. 

McKay wakes up to a surreal environment.

McKay: “This is it? I’m dead and I’m stuck in some Salvadore Dali painting?”

Sheppard: “I don’t know. Reminds me of black velvet Elvis paintings. It’s fuzzy.”

McKay shivers. “Oh no, there IS a hell.”

Sheppard: “Yup. Say, you want to watch a century-long marathon of golf tournaments?”

(insert hideous squeals of horror from McKay)

Sheppard crawls over, horrified to find his friend dead as the proverbial doornail. He knows McKay is dead because there’s complete silence and he can hear birds tweeting and other nature sounds normally obliterated by McKay’s grating whining.

Sheppard begins chest compressions. 

Next. The kiss of life!

And it works! It’s so success McKay sits up immediately and thwacks Sheppard in the head, knocking him back to the concrete.

McKay: “EEEEU!!! I’m not that kind of guy!”

Sheppard: “It was mouth to mouth, you moron. You were dead.”

McKay: “Blech. You’re never having tuna salad if we’re near a pool again. Everything tastes horrible.”

The guys decide to dry off.

McKay: “ Great, you choose the only chair that is now out of the sun.”

Sheppard: “Well, if you hadn’t dawdled so much on the climb up here!”

McKay: “This is marginally better.”

Sheppard: “Hey, it’s in the sun.”

The guys take in the setting sun, knowing that their day at the pool is over and it’s back to work, so they reflect on the day’s events.

Sheppard: “Hey, you know what?”

McKay: “What? Well, okay, yes, I am grateful that you saved me from the hideous green alien thing that drowned me.”

Sheppard: “No, not that. My shadow’s bigger than yours.”

McKay: “I… I…. ARGH!”


And that’s it for this installment of SGA Action Figure Theater! But wait…

McKay: “They do destroy all the photos they don’t use, right?”

Sheppard: “What photos??”

McKay: “If you’d stop rocking the boat, I wouldn’t trip and fall on you!”

Sheppard: “This position is rather compromising…”

McKay: “Cut! Cut the cameras!”

Darn, this video keeps migrating to the bottom!

Tags: action figures, parody, stargate atlantis
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